my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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