i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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