i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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