i just had sex bonerless
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
