Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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