I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
