I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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