you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
