I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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