she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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