he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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