Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
