He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
