The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my poor anus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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