turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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