There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
