I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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