why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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