Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
