Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
