every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
