Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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