You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
