She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
