Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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