would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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