remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
