I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
