I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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