I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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