So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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