i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
