accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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