I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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