Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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