Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
