I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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