dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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