I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
