he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
