he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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