he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
