Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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