I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
