You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
