So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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