She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
