My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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