You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
