dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's paint friendship bongs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
