how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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