She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
