My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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