i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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