If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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