Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
