You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
