Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
