What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
