I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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