im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
