I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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