she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
