He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
