Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
