just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
