just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
