so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
