Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
