fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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