Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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