there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
